CV Update and it's BAD (satire)

​Guys I hope you are sitting down. The BC government just updated the CV stats &...damn this is hard but here it goes:
We now have 155 new cases.
ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY FIVE.
Getting it yet? I know right!? I realize that this is an unprecedented number that most people cannot even comprehend, of people who tested positive, are still alive, & do not necessarily have any actual symptoms, but I hope you now know the gravity of the situation we are dealing with here.
In light of this terrible news, I think we should cancel Halloween, Christmas, life in general should just be canceled, & we seriously should just close every business except Amazon & maybe Costco, & also erect government run quarantine facilities everywhere possible ASAP. A digital ID would also be ideal. Experts on the CBC are predicting we may actually get up to 200 new cases. During normal flu season? Nobody could have predicted this. If that happens...damn it all. At that point I think we should start not just wearing face masks, downloading apps, standing on taped X’s & marinating in rubbing alcohol 24/7, these measures are CLEARLY not enough. No, we should be wearing full body insulated thermal radiation suits & space helmets over top of our face masks. Hand sanitizer should be switched for body sanitizer. If it goes to 250 cases...hell I don’t even know what to tell you. At that stage we will know that far too many people are engaging in normal sexual activity & have not taken the official health authority’s advice that we should be using the new sexual normal: gloryholes. I’m serious. If you’re not using gloryholes you are putting lives at risk ok??. Just ask yourself: what would Jesus do? What would the Buddha do? What would Bill Clinton do? I’ll let you just sit with that until your conscience kicks in & you come to know (no pun intended) that gloryholes & space suits are the only truth.
I think at the 250+ cases stage, we should just start putting barbed wire fences & laser guided/movement censor controlled machine guns around everything fun & social. Its also important we bring in more surveillance drones or we are totally screwed. It’s the only way. The stupids that are just not scared enough of rising case numbers on the TV screen determined by PCR tests, need a serious reality check. They keep talking about “freedom” & “stop censoring doctors” & “I choose to not live in fear” & “think for yourself” or even spurious nonsense like: “what about the suicides & mental health crisis” & other such conspiracy theorist/nazi buzzwords. These “people” are openly ignoring the clear signs of more cases. We should just silence & arrest them all to protect people’s minds from dangerous ideas that distract from the case numbers which are now in the HUNDREDS. What other choice do we have? It’s all or nothing folks! Our media generated anxiety should determine the laws for everyone else for the rest of time!!